LOVE

I am afraid of intimacy (in-to-me-I-see)because I fear failure.
Failure of the self..
The pressure to succeed devoured me entirely,
so much as that I'd throw away anything where there was any sight of failing,
or not meeting expectations.

I let others own my fate.
The expectation is nothing but my own.. and I can't be self defeating.
So first step, love myself, again.
I did once upon a time, but I betrayed myself.
And it's gotten to me, I can never trust myself again.
To love is also to trust.
I am beginning to now.

I knew, and spoke these words, but never followed:
To love, you must first love yourself.
I don't.
I know this, from how I treat my parents, how I treat myself, and how I treat the world.

I don't love myself because I've told myself, unconsiously, I am a failure.

But I'm not. I never was - never will be.