Siiiick

Anas being Black

Playing pool..

Disposable underwear

The Gang.

I be sick right now.. fever and some cold sweat. I'm bored currently and don't really want to do homework or anything but laze around, so I thought I'd update.
Got back from Genting not too long ago, twas fun, although, I was going through ups and downs.
And I remember being really hungry for no reason, but the redness wasn't supposed to start till next month. It was in toilet that I screamed.
Feicui: "What's wrong?"
Melissa: "My fucking code red!!! No wonder..."

Wern:"Where you guys going?"
Melissa:"Code red."
Kristi:"We're going up to the hotel room."
Wern:"Ohhhh... OH!!! Your leg hurts hoh? Ok Ok. Go rest, take care of your legs."
*There was a lot of guys around at the time, so we had to be discreet*
Way to be discreet Wernie lol.

And it was on that trip on the second day that a group of us went to Safari, a disco in the Genting hotel. Guess who I meant there? A certain really skinny girl.. QIQI! By some persuasion the bouncer let me in without an ID and allowed 9 of us in for a bottle. It was that same bouncer though who introduced the manager to me, and bought moi some drinks which had been infused with something I like to call GHB. I've tried it before, although in a different enviroment, and just for fun, but I know the feeling anywhere.. and it didn't help that I was already hammered too. Apparently I was puking out all sorts of stuff, and Kristi had hidden me in the VIP room area that's secluded. Jon had to carry me all the way back to First World Hotel. Thank you! I woke up in a daze, talking nonsense, and getting violent with Kristi.. also blew my nose in Fei Cui's blanket apparently. I went back to sleep after that, and woke up to a rush to check-out, having nausea and an upset stomach. On the bus I slept the whole way and hadn't eaten anything all day, when I tried to, which I did, buy RM15 bowl of beef noodle, I took two bites and puked it out. And effing traffic was horrible on Penang Bridge!!!

It's been a while.. a long while..

At Fame... Krispy, Angie, and I being ourselves

Forgive me, for I am horrible at keeping these sort of things.. blogs.
I'm not even sure what to write right now, I just thought I'd at least do something so it's not so dead.

Ken is snoring beside me.. I'm going to kick him.. he didn't move.. Again once more!.. and he turns his head, gave me a "look" and buried his face into the pillow. Lan ciao.

Anyhoo~ these days I've gradually adjusted to the Penang lifestyle, which scares me a bit to wonder what's going to happen when I have to leave (if I leave)? I'll have to start all over...

.... I had an orgasm last night.

Peace out.

LOVE

I am afraid of intimacy (in-to-me-I-see)because I fear failure.
Failure of the self..
The pressure to succeed devoured me entirely,
so much as that I'd throw away anything where there was any sight of failing,
or not meeting expectations.

I let others own my fate.
The expectation is nothing but my own.. and I can't be self defeating.
So first step, love myself, again.
I did once upon a time, but I betrayed myself.
And it's gotten to me, I can never trust myself again.
To love is also to trust.
I am beginning to now.

I knew, and spoke these words, but never followed:
To love, you must first love yourself.
I don't.
I know this, from how I treat my parents, how I treat myself, and how I treat the world.

I don't love myself because I've told myself, unconsiously, I am a failure.

But I'm not. I never was - never will be.

White Rock Algae

This is me.. and Kim Jong Ill.. she's an alien. Look at my stance, my body is all lopsided.


the parental and Jeff. then me. and a really big white rock.


So we went to White Rock today, with absolutely no plan. I wonder what it is people who go there plan anyway.
It's just a beach... whatever. We ate ice cream, first thing, because I was dying of heat.
Me and Kelly, the alien.. we had fun pretty much joking most of the time.
Picking rocks, and trying to gross each other out. and more joking.

Kelly:"I always wanted to be an astronaut, for four years since I came here."
Mel:"Really? Wow, that's like.. real hard"
Kelly:"I wanted to find the aliens, and protect the Earth."
Mel:"Oh you mean, you wanted to find your family..."
Kelly:"Nooooo.. my family is in Korea."
Mel:"Your an alien."

And there was this guy who was balancing these huge rocks on top of each other..
like amazingly on the tips of each other.
I wonder why they never fell down from the wind? and no, he didn't use glue,
but the crazy alien said in her very monotonous accent:
"I want to knock down those rocks. They're blocking my view."
she said with a straight face.. LOL

I climbed the white rock.. but I didn't know how to get down!!! Too scared of splinters to use the log.
So some hindu guy.. told me to hang off and jump so he'd catch me. Hells no.
Not going to like some pervert rub me the wrong way. lol so i told him to put his hands up and hold my shoes.
teeeheheheheh.
then sushi, where some LGs were being rude.. so I showed them =P
the end. grocery shopping, then here. sigh.
it's been soooo long since I've had a full day out. I feel kinda good.

I guess I'm going to start

Hopefully I actually stick with it this time eh?
I mean blogging sure helps..
uhm nothing to say now.
really blur.
that's it for now.

begins it

HALT!
drop everything you perceive as
true and objective,
right now.......... #@!$%&?
and set a blank sheet of crisp linen.

Be idealistic..
imperialistic, and ever so aggravatingly skeptic - like me =]

Shhh! Be quiet, listen, and you might hear it: a silent screaming echoing through the emptiness.

Everything can be seen as a word. We have to look at the right words, in our own dictionary. And if one chooses to start seeing everything as words, their words - well - then it only be natural that meaning will subsequently follow.

What is seen intolerable at first, will then show up everywhere, and thus lead to the gradual seeping into society’s fluid, mixing in and setting in as the catalyst for the unspeakable.
It is in my notion that, all that we claim to be ugly now, will, in turn, emerge glorious again. The world, it will then leisurely rekindle itself, emanating it‘s familiar, majestic- brilliantly unfathomable- all so very august and horrendous beauty.

Common sense is for common people. With ideas there are no limitations to only commonalities, for me, there are no senses-only perception- only the mind, only for the ideas.... Yee

"It is a dark, cool, quiet place. A basement in your soul. And that place can sometimes be dangerous to the human mind. I can open the door and enter that darkness, but I have to be very careful. I can find my story there. Then I bring that thing to the surface, into the real world." -Haruki Murakami

"Just because someone says it's art, does it make it art?
The right people..
and who are they..?"
- Mona Lisa Smiles

kick, turn, swivel squat down and shoot up, up, and away!

I think, therefore I am
writing, writers, writes. read, reading, i've read.
haruki murakami,jack kerouac, and aldous huxley.

Booming
flowing out of the lines
onto the blankness
seeping beneath my skin

"Once we are destined to live out our lives in the prison of our mind, our duty is to furnish it well." -Peter Ustinov

"It exists, because our ideas perceive so.
Only the ideas we directly perceive are real,
there are no material objects."
- David Hume

moi? something, sumthin, de jour
i like tunes: like that theme song to buffy the vampire slayer, the final countdown, rocketman, white rabbit, and much more.Anything else? Anything more? ... it's all there. just think. :cool: I would like to think that all of my interactions trail a minuscule, if not, deeply seeded, lingering remark- I mean- that's my intent anyway. I'll lend you one of my pens- but all the glorious lines, words.. transcending art- whatever creation that emanates from it, its gotta be you. Foster a feeling, and devour it to what seems appetizing, and let it nourish impending thoughts. For me, I speak to listen- not to my own voice- but to whomever is willingly listening. Talking , I think--No- Any communication! in any way, shape or form; sharing in retrospect, borrowing ideas, transcending your own memory : they're all fuel for burning. The only fuel that ignites us. The past, that's the fuel, that's what we run on, that's what urges us to communicate: to ourselves, to the world, to the infinite- never ending thoughts. We've to only sit down, and wander. Borrow a thought, like if somebody tossed a seed onto fresh soil, like borrowing that act and then examine it, nurture it, make it ones own plant. Water it, feed it the right fertile, and allow the sun to seep into it's roots, so all darkness can be floundered out. Grow, grow, grow. Develop, flourish, into something gallant, go and be like some brilliant light shining off a first place ribbon, of a flower arranging competition. Grow a beanstalk! skylining, of course, and fight off the giant on top. What I mean is: someone lend me a pen.