tee ter taw ter

BAH!

2009-08-29T20:56:00.001-07:00

Muahahaha... another long time since I've posted again.

New things:

Going into second semester of Inti
Living with le bf at weld quay flat
Driving an old Honda Accord, compliments of bfs aunt
Did pretty well in first sem results (3.85)!
Became open about being bi/curious
Went to Langkawi w/ fellow friends
Canoed to Pulau Tikus

That's all that I can recall, I guess everything else isn't important enough for my memory to retrieve. So what's happening these days? Well, nothing particular actually. I'd love to blog about my daily happenings like most people do, but I don't have the time nor interest to do such a thing, I prefer just blogging whenever I need something to release. In contradiction, I actually have nothing to release right now, but visiting Anna's blog reminded me I should at least say something on mine.

There was once a time where I was in wreckage, you could say, on the verge of death, and I had no idea what it was like to be normal. And now, it's unfathomable to me how I was in that state of mind before. Sometimes it crosses me as someone distinctively different from the person here, as if it were another dimension. At that time, what I saw in the mirror was not the person standing before it, it was actually the "me" now, trapped in there, and no wonder it felt like terror whenever I looked in the mirror - I didn't see my own reflection. Like I said: another dimension. As Carl Rogers would put it, the ideal self and the real self were not in harmony, causing anxiety and dismay. Anyhow, I just wonder sometimes how could I have been so bloody fucked up? For goodness sakes I thought bacteria was out to get me! You try to think back to that time but none of it makes sense, and it's the same when I was in that state, trying to think normally was impossible. Funny, the brain works in such mysterious ways, far beyond any ones comprehensibility.

Hah! Although I had nothing to say, there is always something I can effing conjure up; there is always something bottled up inside.

I'm currently intoxicated by Megan Fox these days... sigh...

A ruckus stirring inside

2009-04-23T23:55:00.000-07:00

Can I make it out alive this time, will I be able to breathe?
Sadness and desertion is overwhelming, its entirely consuming, of thoughts, emotions, and every other crevice that exists in a person. I've gotten to a point where I can't take it anymore, and I wonder if it's worth fighting for - the love that is slowly dwindling away. When things just don't connect anymore and everything turns into array of bickering, I think it's time, because everything is only gonna go downhill from there. It's time to say good bye to love.

Getting back to basics

2009-04-20T19:13:00.000-07:00

Most people have been seeing less and lesser of me, but that's only because I've been getting back to basics.
Basics defined: taking care of things. Things defined: Health (physical, mental, emotional)

I've been waking up early (whoaaa..) I mean like roughly averaging 8 a.m. which is early I guess if I don't have anything to actually do. I wake up on the intent to go hiking with a friend, Mabelle, or jogging myself. There ain't nothing better than starting your day fresh with some excercise. I woke at 7.30 today, my body just automatically wakes up early now, and looked out to my dismay - a rainy day. So with nothing to do, I've started my homework, but I'm on a break now (lol). Other than those things, I read, gym it, do stuff I have to do, hang with bf, hang with friends still once in a while (not so much lol they all work), do my homework, go online, and watch the occasional tv (only for minutes b/c there's never anything good on). I wish they showed family guy here! I miss that show so much!

I feel.. alive? Yeah, alive, that's it. Very much alive. I'm actually being productive, something that tends to wither away when I'm caught up in something. I remember there was a time, recently actually, that I couldn't stand to be alone and I'd get a bit anxious. It wasn't how I used to be, which was completely content in being alone and doing my own things. I'm glad I've refined back to being comfortable. My mind is working better, I think I'm still recovering, but I see improvements already in mind, body, and soul. Mother says my body has gotten bigger, not fat, but like stronger, not the frail frame I used to carry; thanks to the gym and proper nutrition.

School at INTI is gonna start soon, May 4, and I have no idea what to expect! It's been so long since I've had to intregrate myself in a new establishment with new people, that last time being high school. Yay, for personal skills! At least I'll get to meet people with the same interest... I wonder how small the class size will be... what if there's only 5 students! That'd be cool actually, we'd all become great friends.

K I've gotta get back to doing homework... I'm already getting distracted HELLA! tootles.
signing out, EmKay.

I've been tagged by Anna

2009-02-07T08:39:00.000-08:00

1. The person who tag/pass you is?
Anna Banana

2. Your relationship with him/her is?
A good friiiiend of mine

3. Your five impression of him/her?

1.She's quirky, kind of weird but I love that about her. 2.Very motherly like and is a real good listener and advice giver, somehow I feel I can just tell her anything. 3. She doesn't like the sun. 4. She talks a lot when she's excited 5. Defs a good kisser ;)

4. The most memorable thing he/she has done for you?
Come to my birthday party lol.. and all those times she listened to me blabber on

5. The most memorable thing she/he had said to you?
K I might not remember technically what she said, but I know the advice she's given.. and that's like confidential girl stuff.

6. If he/she become your lover you will?
I will what? She already is my parttime lover hahaha..

7. If she/he become your lover, thing she/he has to improve on will be?
Get out of the house more, I'm an outdoors type of person who also likes sports!

8. If she/he become your enemy, you will?
It'll never happen.. I don't have any enemies and never will. Plus, I don't ever foresee any reason that should a rise and create such a disaster.

9. If she/he become your enemy, the reason will be?
..... she slept with my bf or something like that.. or I slept with hers... which neither would ever happen!

10. The most desired thing you want to do for her/him now is?
For her to become an awesome artist and live happily ever after.

11. Your overall impression of her/him is?
Weird, cute, I want to bite her.

12. How you think people around you will feel about you?
Everyone just adores me I suppose lol.. I don't know?!

13. The characters you love of yourself are ....
FUN!

14. On the contrary, the character you hate yourself are?
arrogant

15. The most ideal person you want to be is?
the dalai lama

16. For people that care and like you, say something to them...
I love everybody, and even though we might always talk, we're always still there when we need each other - that's what counts.

CNY 2009

2009-01-29T08:36:00.000-08:00

Whoa I never really knew how big CNY is.. well I've never thoroughly experienced it anyway.
It's been quite fun, visiting both my ma's huge family and Kenn's. Although I've yet to meet my fathers side, which is all in due time.

Right now.. I'm too furious to write anymore. Otherwise though, life has been pretty good so far.. work, studies, and such.

"Tag Yourself" Krispy says...

2009-01-15T04:57:00.000-08:00

by Khor Choo Lyn.

1. Does it matter to you if your boyfriend or girlfriend smokes?
Preferably not, but it's not going to be a huge factor that stops anything from progressing. I'm going to quit myself, so it'd be best to nawwww...tttt

2. How about drinking?
Of course, but within moderation. Gotta know when to have a good time ;)

3. Do you like someone you can't have?
NOPE! I already have him :]

4. If someone liked you right now, would you want them to tell you?
Why not, but nevertheless I probably wouldn't care - it's their choice, not mine.

5. What's your favourite sport?
Basketball, Le gym, swimming, tennis, badminton, bowling, pool, skateboarding, running, hiking - I PLAY EVERYYYYYTHING!

6. It's saturday night, you're home alone. What do you do?
Please myself with my purple buddy... JUST JOKING! First, I'd call the dog up, if it's busy (pumping iron) I'd call friends to chill, drin,k and party party. But usually the dog picks up.

7. Do you like roller coasters?
Do I like roller coasters?! Do planes fly with metal wings?! I love roller coasters, I love the feeling like I'm going to die.. but I know I won't.

8. When's the perfect time to have a bf/gf?
Whenever.. love is a abound..just waiting to blossom anywhere, anyplace, anytime.

9. If you could date any celebrity, who would it be?
Jesus Christ. but then I couldn't have sex, so no, I choose you: Mark Wahlberg!!!

10. What are you doing this weekend?
Go to KL with the dog (kenn wee)... and working at the other doggy's (the wern) restaurant

11. What is your favourite restaurant?
The Ship, I looove steak, that or Subway.

12. Have you ever hugged someone?
WTF kind of question is that, who hasn't ever hugged someone - I'll bet a troll, because they smell and have bad vaginal odor, plus they ask you to pay a toll. :)

13. Ever kissed someone you weren't attracted to?
... yes, nuff said.

14. Do you like anyone right now?
It goes beyond that; I think it's called love.. and his name is Khaw Kenn WEE

15. What is the first thing you notice about the opposite sex?
Depends, usually shoes and ankles if he's wearing shorts. Otherwise, anything else particularly appealing, like perhaps a nice smile, funny laugh, good manners, etc etc. Kind of don't take too much note on the exterior.

16. Which do you prefer, Beach or Mountains?

Both! I'm hot n cold.

17. What kind of phone do you have?
SOny Ericsson w580i

18. Computer or Laptop?
Laptop, it's HP

19. Jeans or sweats?
SWEATS ALL THE WAY! Except it's too hot in Penang to wear sweats.

20. Which year(s) has/have been the best so far?
... whichever ones don't involve me being under the influence of substances.

21. How old are you gonna be on your next birthday?

...

20
22. What should you be doing right now?
Having hot passionate sex.. with my dog.

23. What is your favourite TV show?
Family Guy, Discovery, National Geographic, Friends, The Simpsons, How I Met your Mother

24. What's been your last purchase?
Paying the MPPP for a parking ticket.. shit...

25. Are you attracted to girls/boys that smoke?
No... it's really not that impressive, but I'm not one to speak, I smoke too.. but I'm quitting now. Although I'd rather get to know the person before I make any judgements about them; I smoke and I'm awesome.

26. Have you ever fallen on your butt in front of a crowd of people?
ALL THE EFFING TIME. Particulary, this one time on NYE 2007 at D'joint in UPR I fell back on my chair..

27. What do you do when you're at home?
Eat, online, tv, read, hw, eat, sleep, eat, read, draw, write, think, think some more, and eat, then sleep. Dream.

28. What is your favourite subject?
English, P.E., Psychology, and Family Studies (classes they have in Canada)

29. What's the best thing that happened on you?
On me?! Hmmm.. ;) ;) Figure it out yourself..

30. 10 person to tag: (not arranged according to favourites and not tagging those who Choo already tagged)
pass it on, tag yourself.

Agent Procrasinator

2008-12-10T05:06:00.000-08:00

These days, I've been the worst at getting shit done, to the max reluctant.
It's been about 5 days since I've yet to pick up my scooter from the shop, it's in repair.
The damn thing keeps fucking breaking down!!!
I've barely touched my homework, I'm behind by 2 assignments.. =.=;;
Furthermore, I'm supposed to register with KDU for January but I keep putting it off, alongside being very indecisive about it. It's a lot of my mother's money, and it'll be a waste if it's not even creditable to my University in Canada. And of course there's the issue of my residing country for the next two years, which is up in air, but leaning towards going back to Canada. I have to, but should't apparently due to my environment there.. too much of the illigit things (you know what). As the days go on, without any notice, I'm beginning to lose myself in this highway track of life as I fly by the recommended limit. Sometimes when we go too fast, we tend to forget to slow down and smell the roses, and that's whats happening. I've got to cool it, get back into my groove and think.
I'm trying to reset my body clock too, that way I wake up at 10 a.m. not 2 p.m. I'll have more time in the day to get shit done. This is hard, since the next upcoming days I know are going to be of no rest. Tommorrow I've gotta start homework, if I can wake, then help my mom pack some crap; pick up my scooter, gym it, and I want to go to Pesta. Friday it's May's birthday. Saturday.. well you know. Sunday will be the day, I'll press the restart button. =) And tonight, tonight I unleash the animal after so long. It's going to be mads niggaaaaaaa...

Siiiick

2008-11-30T01:00:00.000-08:00

Anas being Black

Playing pool..

Disposable underwear

The Gang.

I be sick right now.. fever and some cold sweat. I'm bored currently and don't really want to do homework or anything but laze around, so I thought I'd update.
Got back from Genting not too long ago, twas fun, although, I was going through ups and downs.
And I remember being really hungry for no reason, but the redness wasn't supposed to start till next month. It was in toilet that I screamed.
Feicui: "What's wrong?"
Melissa: "My fucking code red!!! No wonder..."

Wern:"Where you guys going?"
Melissa:"Code red."
Kristi:"We're going up to the hotel room."
Wern:"Ohhhh... OH!!! Your leg hurts hoh? Ok Ok. Go rest, take care of your legs."
*There was a lot of guys around at the time, so we had to be discreet*
Way to be discreet Wernie lol.

And it was on that trip on the second day that a group of us went to Safari, a disco in the Genting hotel. Guess who I meant there? A certain really skinny girl.. QIQI! By some persuasion the bouncer let me in without an ID and allowed 9 of us in for a bottle. It was that same bouncer though who introduced the manager to me, and bought moi some drinks which had been infused with something I like to call GHB. I've tried it before, although in a different enviroment, and just for fun, but I know the feeling anywhere.. and it didn't help that I was already hammered too. Apparently I was puking out all sorts of stuff, and Kristi had hidden me in the VIP room area that's secluded. Jon had to carry me all the way back to First World Hotel. Thank you! I woke up in a daze, talking nonsense, and getting violent with Kristi.. also blew my nose in Fei Cui's blanket apparently. I went back to sleep after that, and woke up to a rush to check-out, having nausea and an upset stomach. On the bus I slept the whole way and hadn't eaten anything all day, when I tried to, which I did, buy RM15 bowl of beef noodle, I took two bites and puked it out. And effing traffic was horrible on Penang Bridge!!!

It's been a while.. a long while..

2008-11-20T23:12:00.000-08:00

At Fame... Krispy, Angie, and I being ourselves

Forgive me, for I am horrible at keeping these sort of things.. blogs.
I'm not even sure what to write right now, I just thought I'd at least do something so it's not so dead.

Ken is snoring beside me.. I'm going to kick him.. he didn't move.. Again once more!.. and he turns his head, gave me a "look" and buried his face into the pillow. Lan ciao.

Anyhoo~ these days I've gradually adjusted to the Penang lifestyle, which scares me a bit to wonder what's going to happen when I have to leave (if I leave)? I'll have to start all over...

.... I had an orgasm last night.

Peace out.

LOVE

2008-06-26T00:38:00.000-07:00

I am afraid of intimacy (in-to-me-I-see)because I fear failure.
Failure of the self..
The pressure to succeed devoured me entirely,
so much as that I'd throw away anything where there was any sight of failing,
or not meeting expectations.

I let others own my fate.
The expectation is nothing but my own.. and I can't be self defeating.
So first step, love myself, again.
I did once upon a time, but I betrayed myself.
And it's gotten to me, I can never trust myself again.
To love is also to trust.
I am beginning to now.

I knew, and spoke these words, but never followed:
To love, you must first love yourself.
I don't.
I know this, from how I treat my parents, how I treat myself, and how I treat the world.

I don't love myself because I've told myself, unconsiously, I am a failure.

But I'm not. I never was - never will be.

White Rock Algae

2008-06-22T22:13:00.001-07:00

This is me.. and Kim Jong Ill.. she's an alien. Look at my stance, my body is all lopsided.

the parental and Jeff. then me. and a really big white rock.

So we went to White Rock today, with absolutely no plan. I wonder what it is people who go there plan anyway.
It's just a beach... whatever. We ate ice cream, first thing, because I was dying of heat.
Me and Kelly, the alien.. we had fun pretty much joking most of the time.
Picking rocks, and trying to gross each other out. and more joking.

Kelly:"I always wanted to be an astronaut, for four years since I came here."
Mel:"Really? Wow, that's like.. real hard"
Kelly:"I wanted to find the aliens, and protect the Earth."
Mel:"Oh you mean, you wanted to find your family..."
Kelly:"Nooooo.. my family is in Korea."
Mel:"Your an alien."

And there was this guy who was balancing these huge rocks on top of each other..
like amazingly on the tips of each other.
I wonder why they never fell down from the wind? and no, he didn't use glue,
but the crazy alien said in her very monotonous accent:
"I want to knock down those rocks. They're blocking my view."
she said with a straight face.. LOL

I climbed the white rock.. but I didn't know how to get down!!! Too scared of splinters to use the log.
So some hindu guy.. told me to hang off and jump so he'd catch me. Hells no.
Not going to like some pervert rub me the wrong way. lol so i told him to put his hands up and hold my shoes.
teeeheheheheh.
then sushi, where some LGs were being rude.. so I showed them =P
the end. grocery shopping, then here. sigh.
it's been soooo long since I've had a full day out. I feel kinda good.

I guess I'm going to start

2008-06-22T00:00:00.001-07:00

Hopefully I actually stick with it this time eh?
I mean blogging sure helps..
uhm nothing to say now.
really blur.
that's it for now.

begins it

2007-09-15T05:59:00.000-07:00

HALT!
drop everything you perceive as
true and objective,
right now.......... #@!$%&?
and set a blank sheet of crisp linen.

Be idealistic..
imperialistic, and ever so aggravatingly skeptic - like me =]

Shhh! Be quiet, listen, and you might hear it: a silent screaming echoing through the emptiness.

Everything can be seen as a word. We have to look at the right words, in our own dictionary. And if one chooses to start seeing everything as words, their words - well - then it only be natural that meaning will subsequently follow.

What is seen intolerable at first, will then show up everywhere, and thus lead to the gradual seeping into society’s fluid, mixing in and setting in as the catalyst for the unspeakable.
It is in my notion that, all that we claim to be ugly now, will, in turn, emerge glorious again. The world, it will then leisurely rekindle itself, emanating it‘s familiar, majestic- brilliantly unfathomable- all so very august and horrendous beauty.

Common sense is for common people. With ideas there are no limitations to only commonalities, for me, there are no senses-only perception- only the mind, only for the ideas.... Yee

"It is a dark, cool, quiet place. A basement in your soul. And that place can sometimes be dangerous to the human mind. I can open the door and enter that darkness, but I have to be very careful. I can find my story there. Then I bring that thing to the surface, into the real world." -Haruki Murakami

"Just because someone says it's art, does it make it art?
The right people..
and who are they..?"
- Mona Lisa Smiles

kick, turn, swivel squat down and shoot up, up, and away!

I think, therefore I am
writing, writers, writes. read, reading, i've read.
haruki murakami,jack kerouac, and aldous huxley.

Booming
flowing out of the lines
onto the blankness
seeping beneath my skin

"Once we are destined to live out our lives in the prison of our mind, our duty is to furnish it well." -Peter Ustinov

"It exists, because our ideas perceive so.
Only the ideas we directly perceive are real,
there are no material objects."
- David Hume

moi? something, sumthin, de jour
i like tunes: like that theme song to buffy the vampire slayer, the final countdown, rocketman, white rabbit, and much more.Anything else? Anything more? ... it's all there. just think. :cool: I would like to think that all of my interactions trail a minuscule, if not, deeply seeded, lingering remark- I mean- that's my intent anyway. I'll lend you one of my pens- but all the glorious lines, words.. transcending art- whatever creation that emanates from it, its gotta be you. Foster a feeling, and devour it to what seems appetizing, and let it nourish impending thoughts. For me, I speak to listen- not to my own voice- but to whomever is willingly listening. Talking , I think--No- Any communication! in any way, shape or form; sharing in retrospect, borrowing ideas, transcending your own memory : they're all fuel for burning. The only fuel that ignites us. The past, that's the fuel, that's what we run on, that's what urges us to communicate: to ourselves, to the world, to the infinite- never ending thoughts. We've to only sit down, and wander. Borrow a thought, like if somebody tossed a seed onto fresh soil, like borrowing that act and then examine it, nurture it, make it ones own plant. Water it, feed it the right fertile, and allow the sun to seep into it's roots, so all darkness can be floundered out. Grow, grow, grow. Develop, flourish, into something gallant, go and be like some brilliant light shining off a first place ribbon, of a flower arranging competition. Grow a beanstalk! skylining, of course, and fight off the giant on top. What I mean is: someone lend me a pen.